It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
