so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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