He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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