I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
