I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
