I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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