he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize