I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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