Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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