here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
