i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
