I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
