First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
