he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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