K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
