I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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