You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize