The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
