No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
