get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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