WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
