Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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