Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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