Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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