Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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