I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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