I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
