I'm passing your future prison.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
