I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
