I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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