I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize