I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
