Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
