in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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