I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
