just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize