I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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