69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
