You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Congratulations! We have a period
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
