it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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