It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's the barista slut.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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