since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize