You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
