oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
