I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
