Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
