i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
