hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
