so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were destined to go to rehab together
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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