We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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