fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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