oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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