how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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