You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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