Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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