Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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