That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
