that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Life is so much better after having sex.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
