OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
