Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
