We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to be your penis for a week.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
