just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
