just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
