He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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