Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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