i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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