Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
