in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
