new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.