there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.