I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?