There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.