nut hugger
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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