Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
