A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we have pet lesbian snakes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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