Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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