this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
