jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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