just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
