That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
