Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ketchup is God's man juice
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
