I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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