maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
