its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
